Teaching Your Child To Say "Please"

Childcare's character education should take priority over their academic education, says Rabbi Menachem Mendal Schneerson in Toward a Meaningful Life: The Wisdom of the Rebbe.

The esteemed Rebbe-deceased leader of the Lubavitcher movement of Hasidic Judaism - says all other education efforts are basically meaningless unless built on the solid foundation of good character.

In the film Blast from the Past, one of the characters discovers, as he puts it, that "good manners are a way of showing respect for others" - and not, as he'd previously thought, a means of calling attention to oneself. He also can to help people around you feel comfortable.

Character and manners are inseparable. Good manners are symptomatic of good character, and the linchpin of good character is respect for other, as reflected by good manners. That one scene in Blast from the Past caused me to wonder if perhaps the screenwriter had read the rebbe's teachings. Today's parent's would certainly say they want their children to process good character, but how many take the time to teach good manner? Modeling the proper behavior is not enough. Teaching manners requires instruction, and instructions - whether reminding, explaining, correcting, or rehearsing - takes time. The world would definitely be a better place if parents would take even half the time they spend driving their children to various extracurricular pursuits and used it to teach manners instead.

Teaching manners to preschool - the earlier the better - pays off in numerous ways. I have nothing but personal experience to support what I'm about to say, but I'd bet my stock portfolio that well-mannered children are more obedient, do better in school, and get along far better with siblings and friends - not to mentioned that the children's parents will receive lots of positive feedback from other parents, teachers, and neighbors.

And, for all these reasons, the children will be much happier than they otherwise would have been. So, the first manners children should learn, by their fourth birthday, are (in no particular order):

1. Saying "please,""thank you," and "you're welcome" when appropriate.
2. Saying "I'm sorry" when they've hurt someone either physical or emotionally.
3. Saying "excuse me" when appropriate (but see below for when it's not appropriate).
4. Sharing toys and other possessions freely.
5. Saying "Yes, ma'am/sir" and "No, ma'am/sir" when appropriate.
6. Not interrupting adult conversations, even with "excuse me."